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From: The Souls of Black Folk (1903)
W. E. B. Du Bois, 1868-1963
Between me and the
other world there is ever an unasked question: unasked by some through feelings
of delicacy; by others through the difficulty of rightly framing it. All,
nevertheless, flutter round it. They approach me in a half- hesitant sort of
way, eye me curiously or compassionately, and then, instead of saying directly,
How does it feel to be a problem? they say, I know an
excellent colored man in my town; or, I fought at Mechanicsville; or, Do not
these Southern outrages make your blood boil? At these I smile, or am
interested, or reduce the boiling to a simmer, as the occasion may require. To
the real question, How does it feel to be a problem? I
answer seldom a word.
And yet, being a
problem is a strange experience,—peculiar even for one who has never been
anything else, save perhaps in babyhood and in Europe. It is in the
early days of rollicking boyhood that the revelation first bursts upon one, all
in a day, as it were. I remember well when the shadow swept across me. I was a
little thing, away up in the hills of New England, where the dark Housatonic winds between Hoosac and Taghkanic to the sea.
In a wee wooden schoolhouse, something put it into the boys' and girls' heads
to buy gorgeous visiting- cards—ten cents a package—and exchange. The exchange
was merry, till one girl, a tall newcomer, refused my card, —refused it
peremptorily, with a glance. Then it dawned upon me with a certain suddenness
that I was different from the others; or like, mayhap, in heart and life and
longing, but shut out from their world by a vast veil. I had thereafter no
desire to tear down that veil, to creep through; I held all beyond it in common
contempt, and lived above it in a region of blue sky and great wandering
shadows. That sky was bluest when I could beat my mates at examination-time, or
beat them at a foot-race, or even beat their stringy heads. Alas, with the
years all this fine contempt began to fade; for the words I longed for, and all
their dazzling opportunities, were theirs, not mine. But they should not keep
these prizes, I said; some, all, I would wrest from them. Just how I would do
it I could never decide: by reading law, by healing the sick, by telling the
wonderful tales that swam in my head, —some way. With other black boys the
strife was not so fiercely sunny: their youth shrunk into tasteless sycophancy, or into silent hatred of the pale world about
them and mocking distrust of everything white; or wasted itself in a bitter
cry, Why did God make me an outcast and a stranger in mine own house? The
shades of the prison-house closed round about us all: walls strait and stubborn
to the whitest, but relentlessly narrow, tall, and unscalable
to sons of night who must plod darkly on in resignation, or beat unavailing
palms against the stone, or steadily, half hopelessly, watch the streak of blue
above.
After the Egyptian
and Indian, the Greek and Roman, the Teuton and
Mongolian, the Negro is a sort of seventh son, born with a veil, and gifted
with second-sight in this American world, —a world which yields him no true self-consciousness, but only lets him see
himself through the revelation of the other world. It is a peculiar sensation,
this double-consciousness, this sense of always looking at one's self through
the eyes of others, of measuring one's soul by the tape of a world that looks
on in amused contempt and pity. One ever feels his twoness,—an
American, a Negro; two souls, two thoughts, two unreconciled
strivings; two warring ideals in one dark body, whose dogged strength alone
keeps it from being torn asunder.
The history of the
American Negro is the history of this strife,—this longing to attain
self-conscious manhood, to merge his double self into
a better and truer self. In this merging he wishes neither of the older selves
to be lost. He would not Africanize America, for America has too much to
teach the world and Africa. He would not bleach his Negro soul in a
flood of white Americanism, for he knows that Negro blood has a message for the
world. He simply wishes to make it possible for a man to be both a Negro and an
American, without being cursed and spit upon by his fellows, without having the
doors of Opportunity closed roughly in his face.
The
Chickasaw Plum
- Volume V - Number 2 - February
2008
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