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What You Need To Believe To Be A Republican
1. Jesus loves you, and shares
your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
2. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad
guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good
guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a
"we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.
3. Trade with
4. The
5 A woman can't be trusted with
decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make
decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.
6. The best way to improve military
morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans'
benefits and combat pay.
7. If condoms are kept out of schools,
adolescents won't have sex.
8. A good way to fight terrorism
is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and
money. (
9. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy,
but providing health care to all Americans is
socialism. HMOs and insurance companies have the
best interests of the public at heart.
10. Global warming and tobacco's link to
cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
11. A president lying about an
extramarital affair is a impeachable offense, but a president lying to
enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.
12. Government should limit itself to the
powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and
eaves dropping without a warrant.
13. The public has a right to know about
Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of
our business.
14. Being a drug addict is a moral failing
and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an
illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.
15. Supporting "Executive Privilege"
for every Republican ever born, who will be born or who might be born (in
perpetuity.)
16. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national
interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is
irrelevant.
17. Support for hunters who shoot their friends
and blame them for wearing orange vests similar to those worn by
the quail.
18. And in SC, Republicans run on a
"so-called" education platform, while supporting a voucher program
that would abandon our public schools and help the wealthy get yet another tax
break by getting credit for sending their kids to private school!
--Author
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Chickasaw
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