The
Chickasaw
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by John R. Guthrie
I leaned across the
bar to hear Cyrus better. His hair was white. He gesticulated with both hands,
his fingers knobby and angled from arthritis. Cyrus, a world war II U.S. Navy
vet, served in the Japanese theater on a picket destroyer. He’s a regular at
the Veteran’s club.
“And that’s what the
surgeon you sent me to said, that I had prostate cancer. Said he couldn’t be
sure how bad, but it had to come out.
So I said, I
understand, but what do I tell my girlfriend about how I might be if I live? I told
him, she’s young, just started drawing her social, and good looking, too. And
she’s really built up here.” He cupped his hands in front of his chest to make
boobs. “Before I met her, all I ever did was come over here and sit on a
barstool and drink till I fell off. But then I ran into her at the Legion Hall
on bingo night, her there with some women friends. So all of a sudden, I got a
life again, and we’re out and about lots. And was she hot, I mean first time we
got in bed, I knew I had a tiger. I didn’t know what she’d say if I couldn’t,
you no, do it no more.”
He inserted his
extended forefinger through a circle made by the opposite forefinger and thumb
to dramatize his point, then took a pull off of his Miller High Life. He continued, blue eyes bright.
“So the doc said, I
donno ‘til I see how the surgery goes. Could be you’d
have a chance at having a sex life, but it isn’t likely. I said that’s not so
good. I know, he said, but I gotta tell you true, and
you gotta know the cancer can take your life if it’s not
gotten out. I said, yeah, but I still don’t know how I’ll tell the
girlfriend. With her drawing her social
now we can get out together more now, go eat someplace. I had the surgery, and
after I woke up, the surgeon came by and I said, well, what’s the verdict. He’s
looking grim and says, Cyrus, that cancer in your prostate, it was all over the
whole gland. I think I got it all, but I had to cut nerves and blood vessels.
So about a sex life, I’m afraid that won’t be possible.
“I was just glad
the girl friend wasn’t there that time. She went to see the doctor with me a
lot, which I liked, but I sure didn’t want her there then. I went on home and
did pretty good, the girl friend coming by to check on me regular, helping me
get something to eat at first when I wasn’t getting around to good. Then
finally I was up and about again, and we went out to get something to eat at
the Bluebird Cafe and she says Cy, it’s like you’re
holding back or something. Did you tell me everything the doc told you? I said,
Yeah. She comes right back with, you sure? I said Yeah again. OK, she says, let’s
go over to my place after we eat. Maybe we can watch TV, may do something else
if you feel up to it. I said real quick, I can’t go
tonight. Soon, maybe, just not tonight.
“She’s Ok with
that, says I know, you just getting over cancer. I ‘m not trying to rush you,
and she leans over, those big boobs of hers pressing against my arm, me sweating
about what I’m gonna have to tell her. So the same
thing happened again, then again. That last time she started looking real
angry. She said, look, Cyrus, I don’t know what’ going on, but maybe you and
me, we’re just not right for each other. You don’t never
come by any more. She’s got fire in her eye now, and she says maybe you just
don’t care for me.
“I could see I
didn't have much choice but to tell her. I said, look, really, you’re my one
true love, but that’s the bad part, I…”
He stopped here at
the memory, looking back in time to the night when he told her he couldn’t have
sex any more. Then he breathed deep and continued.
“I was sure that
was it over for me and her, and she’d been good to me, like I said, my true
love. I just looked down a minute, then finally said,
honey, I can’t do it no more, ‘cause
of the surgery. You got a hot nature, we both know that, and are still young
enough and good looking, too. So I understand, if
maybe you don’t want to stick around no more. Maybe you’d be better of with
someone new. She’s frowning, adjusting her glasses,
you can’t do it no more? No, I said, feeling sure enough like a whupped dog. Is that what it is, she says? It ain’t that you got some body else or something, then? She
was still looking angry, so I was sure it was over. No, I said, nobody else. Cy, honey, she says, you remember how when we would do it,
and I’d get so…excited, and moan and groan and carry on? Yeah, I said, I knew
you was hot-blooded, right off, first time. I couldn’t
look at her now. Cy, she said, I faked it. I looked up
at her real quick. You what? I said. She said, I didn’t feel a thing, ever. I
had an operation down there myself, fifteen years ago. They took everything
out. I can’t feel nothing. I said, you mean you were faking
everything? She’s sort of smiling and nodding. Yeah. I did, but just for you.
It wasn’t nothing for me to do, and you had so much
fun. All I had to do was carry on when we did it. It know
it ain’t like that with a man, though. I thought
about that a minute, then said, Really? Fake? You mean
it don’t matter that we can’t do it any more. She didn’t hesitate, just said, “not a bit in the world.”
Cyrus smiled and
shook his head at his lady friend’s clever deceit. “Ain’t
she something, Doc? Ain’t she really something?”
The
Chickasaw
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