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Sex:
A Quickie
“Listen, Doc, I even used to have to close the trailer
windows before we went to bed so the neighbors wouldn’t hear when she got excited.
I was afraid they might think something was bad wrong and call the cops. But
Doc, that surgeon up at VA, he got the cancer, but he got my nature too, just
like he said he might.”
“Oh, my. How do you feel
about that, Earl?”
He took a deep breath, sighed and said, “I dunno, Doc, I
just dunno. Muriel’s something, Doc. When she gets going, oh, boy! But now….”
He was silent for a moment. Behind him the steady click,
click, click of the wall clock was audible as the seconds were swept away.
Aged, wizened, alert, sat on the end of the exam table in Dr. Christopher
Jaques’s family practice clinic. His shirt was off, the skin of his torso a
pale and loose-fitting garment. He had his favorite cap on, one emblazoned over
the bill with a fouled anchor and gold embroidery proclaiming, “U.S. Navy – Minesweepers –
He leaned toward Doctor Jacques, lowering his voice. “I just
can’t think about going around Muriel any more now.”
“Earl, sounds like you need to
talk with her. Faking an erection’s next to impossible.”
“Talk to her? Doc,
you just don’t understand. She’s young, just started drawing her Social. She’s
a good-looking woman; got a shape, you know,” he drew a coke bottle in the air,
“and she’s really BIG on top He held his hands before his chest to indicate
melons. He took his cap off and brushed his hand through his white hair, hair
which was full despite his years. His knobby fingers kneaded the back of his
neck.
The wind from the
He continued. “I’d
been by myself nineteen years until I met Muriel. My kids live all the way
across the county. My daughter called from
“Muriel’s mighty
important to you, isn’t she Earl?”
He nodded, face
downcast. “She is…was. My boy in
“He said, ‘Dad, I
had a trade show in
“I said, Well, thanks, I guess.
“He kept on
talking. ‘You been all by yourself since mom died. I can help you get into Holy
Angels Assisted Living Facility if you come out to LA. You sign over your
pension check and Social Security to me, I’ll take
care of any difference. You wouldn’t have to worry about a thing. Lots of old
people out there. I could get rid of that clunker you have outside for you and
this trailer too. We’d be flying toward LAX quick as greased lightning.’
“Know what I said,
Doc?”
Dr. Jacques shook
his head. “No Earl. How’d you react to that?”
“Doc, I stood up
and said, Holy Angels my sweet ass! In case you forgot, Son, I served 23 years
in the United States Navy, bosn’s mate first class! At
“He says, ‘Frankly
Father, it sounds disgusting. Anyway Tokyo Kate’s was over 50 years ago. We have
to be realistic.’
“I was already
stepping toward the door. I said, you
gotta be realistic, Son. Holy Angel’s were few and far between in the
minesweeper fleet. Listen; I gotta go.
“’You gotta go
where, Dad?’
“I got a date.
“’Date?’
“Date! Make yourself at
home, Son. There’s bologna and beer in the fridge. Bread’s on the counter.
“He says, ‘Why’re
you leaving now?’
“I says same reason
I went to Tokyo Kate’s. ‘Cause I’m horny as a
seven-peckered billy goat.”
Earl and Doctor Jaques laughed out loud at
this, Jacques pumping his fist into the air.
Earl continued
saying, “Then I went on out the door. But once she finds out that I can’t even…”
Doctor Jacques
said, “Yeah, Earl. It’s tough to think about, isn’t it? But maybe this story’s not
done yet. Sometimes, things in a relationship can get a lot better even though
things are tough right now. Level with her, Earl.”
That particularly
severe winter in Austerity ended abruptly as frigid blasts give way to warming
breezes. Jonquils and crocuses emerged like Lazarus from their earthen graves.
Dogwoods and azaleas bloomed forth, vamped out in all their springtime finery.
Sitting on the end
of Dr. Jacques’s exam table once more, Earl rebuttoned his green short-sleeved
gingham shirt. Doctor Jacques said, “Earl, you’re sounding good. Looking good too. Blood Pressure’s
130/85.”
“Doc, I feel good.
Lemme tell you why. Muriel came by my
place right after I saw you last. I was lying on the couch, watching the Jerry
Springer show. She came right in. Boy, was she pissed!
“She said ‘What the
hell’s wrong with you, Earl? I’m not good enough for you any more? You haven’t
even been over to the VFW!’
“So I just faced up
to it and told her. Muriel, it ain’t you. You know the surgery?’
“’Of course I know.
What about it?’
“I looked at her kind of shame-faced and said,
Muriel, after that surgery, I can’t do a thing any more. Know what she said,
Doc?”
“What did she say
Earl?”
“Then she said,
real soft and easy, ‘Earl, Sweety, look at me! When I had my surgery, they took everything
out. I haven’t felt a thing down there for 27 years.’
“I said, but you
were so, so excited.…
“She said, ‘that
was just for you, Earl. You’re still the only man in my life, all the man I
need or want. I hope you still want to be my man.’”
Earl paused here,
brow furrowed, then nodding rubbed his chin and thought a moment, then said,
smiling, “Now ain’t she something, Doc? Ain’t she really something?”
The above is published
with appreciation to first publisher “The
The
Chickasaw Plum - Volume V - Number 4 - April 2008
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